Mannia

Words

collections of short narratives, rewritten episodes, & jovial cynicism

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Interview: Aftermath

"Will you ever return?"

"[laugh] You say return like I've been there before."

"Well haven't you? You grew up there."

 [pause] 

I almost died that day.

Four seconds, they told me. I stayed conscious for four seconds without a heartbeat. Then it went black. Woke up 5 feet below; the rest is in history and tv."

"... but not to go back? Don't you... won't you miss it? Knowing where everything is, knowing what roads take you where, turning a corner and knowing what you'll see on the other side?"

"But that's just it Gavin–if this [waves hands to surroundings for indication] has taught me anything it is that I know nothing, and I should expect just that constantly, especially from the things I feel I know the most. [pause] 

You say people miss me, and want me to go back, but I'm afraid they'll be very disappointed. The place I left is no longer there, as the girl who left it is no longer here. The person they miss–she doesn't exist anymore. This 'familiarity' you speak of is gone–it will be as foreign to me as I, it. 

[pause]. 

I will go; but I can't go back."

Tatyana Mann